I feel this description is very good for the most technical members of your audience. This doesn’t mean that it can be understood by everyone. The less people understand what you are trying to do I think the fewer will feel it is in their benefit to participate. I read what you wrote and I came away thinking “ok just wait till the very end then decide if you want to buy.” Was this the response that you were hoping for? If not maybe you can make your explanation simpler and clearer by highlighting what strategies should be for buyers. Right now seems like best strategy is “purchase a few hours before crowdsale is going to end.” Since many crowdsales have raised more than 5 million within minutes selling out before anyone can purchase you may feel like you have all the freedom in the world to construct a crowdsale however you like. In the case of Gnosis you are Pepsi. Coke is already on the market. People can buy Coke right now for 3.00 so why would they buy Pepsi for more than Coke? They will wait for the price of Pepsi to fall below 2.00 and then buy. If it never does then it is unclear why they would act that way, maybe they are not rational actors.
If I think Augur is going to launch in August then I will only pay a premium for Gnosis if I think Gnosis is going to launch prior to August. The more information a buyer has the more likely they will be enticed to participate unless they are the dumb money in the system.